i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
