Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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