what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
