I puked a lego.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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