That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
