I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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