WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
