I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
