i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
