the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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