just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
