i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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