She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
