shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
