Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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