We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
