the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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