I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
