I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
