If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
