I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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