She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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