God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
