North Korea, Best Korea!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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