your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
