do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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