my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
