like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We just shotgunned beers for America
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
there is puke in my bra ... again
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