So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
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Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize