The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
