I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
