Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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