dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
