well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Your cock deserves a montage
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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