All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
