Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Couch. On fire.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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