Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
