I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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