weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
