I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
