Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
