Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You pole danced in your parka.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
