he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
