I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
