Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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