R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
