If you die in college, do you die in real life?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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