Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
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There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
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You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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