Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
