I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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