I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
