Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
