Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My liver just broke up with me...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
