you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
