Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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