good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
