God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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