oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
