The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
