I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
