He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
