I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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