You're my little dorito
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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