Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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