I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
