i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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