I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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