he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
