he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You're like the curious george of whores
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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