well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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